Breathe
by Kirsten Erin
Summary: Songfic set to "Breathe" by Taylor Swift. This time, it's John's turn to take a look at his broken relationship with Shayera.


_**Author's Note: Another JLU songfic for you guys. Let me know what you think. I loved writing this. Can't wait to hear from you.  
This one's about John and Shayera once again, only this time from John's perspective instead of Shayera's (check out "You Belong with Me"). And of course, we see alot of Wally as well. You can't write about the two of them without involving him. It just doesn't work without our Scarlet Speedster. :D  
Oh BTW, for those who were asking: I am planning on writing more. I have ideas for quite a few more. Probably only founding member ones, but you never know what this imaginitive mind of mine will come up with. :D But the next one will probably either be a Clark/Lois or a Bruce/Diana one. Most likely the former, but once again we'll see.**_

_**Disclaimer: I do not own Wally, Shayera, John, or Mari. They are all property of DC Comics. The song is not mine either- It's "Breathe" by Taylor Swift.  
The italicized words in the first 'section' are from the episode Starcrossed.**_

**Breathe**

**John/Shayera Songfic**

**By Kirsten Erin**

_I see your face in my mind as I drive away_

_'Cause none of us thought it was gonna end that way_

_People are people and some time we change our minds_

_But it's killing me to see you go after all this time_

"_You never asked how we voted." _John pointed out as he approached Shayera. She faced the sunset on the edge of a cliff behind Bruce's house. Her hair blew in the wind and he couldn't help but note how beautiful she looked- even when he could clearly see her heart was in pain.

What he longed to do more than anything was to wrap his arms around her waist and rest his chin over her shoulder while he told her everything would be okay.

But he couldn't do that.

Things had changed.

And he wasn't sure everything would be okay anymore.

"_It doesn't matter._" she answered him quietly. She glanced back at him and he saw the pain in her stormy emerald eyes before she turned back to the golden scene before her.

No, it didn't.

Because she was leaving.

He vaguely wondered if she knew how much it was hurting him too.

"_So, where are you gonna go?_" he asked.

"_I don't know. Some place where the fate of the world isn't in my hands. Some place where there are no more secrets. No more lies._"

He felt his heart begin to tear at the seams. Lies. How many times had the reality of that little word stabbed him, her, and the rest of the League in the back over the past few days? More times than he'd like to remember.

"_Was it all a lie?_" he asked this time.

If she said yes, he knew he'd cease to exist.

His heart pounded in his chest.

Once.

Twice.

She turned to face him, eyes looking straight into his heart.

"_I love you, John. I never lied about that._"

He saw the turmoil in her eyes as she spoke the truth of her heart. She needed him. He needed her.

The two stood in silence, just staring at each other. Memorizing every feature of the one person they couldn't live without. Then Shayera turned away, spread her wings, and disappeared in the golden sunset.

"_I love you too._" he replied as the tears filled his eyes.

He watched her figure as she flew away until his eyes burned from the rays of the dying sun. She just continued to fly.

Away from the Manor.

Away from the League.

Away from him.

_Music starts playing like the end of a sad movie_

_It's the kinda ending you don't really wanna see_

_'Cause it's tragedy and it'll only bring you down_

_Now I don't know what to be without you around_

As John stood there, staring, he thought back to every precious moment he'd spent with that woman. Every crazy situation she'd gotten him into. Every fight one of them had started because they were irritated by the other. Every sweet kiss they'd shared. Every time one of them had come through for the other.

Every time he'd been given the blessing of laying eyes on her.

He remembered the ache in his heart when Hro had put his accursed lips on hers. He remembered the anger he'd harbored when she'd chosen him over them. He remembered the pain he'd suffered when he saw Hro hurt her. He remembered the smile they'd shared as they shut down the shield and saved Earth.

He wanted to be there for her. Protect her. Hold her. Love her. Show her that there was such a thing as a happy ending.

But now she was gone.

_And we know its never its never simple, never easy_

_Never a clean break _

_No one here to save me_

_You're the only thing I know like the back of my hand_

One tear slid down his dark cheek.

Then another.

Before he knew it, he was on his knees. His eyes closed and his chest burned with unreleased sobs.

Shayera.

How could he ever go on without her?

He took a deep, shaky breath.

How could his heart continue to beat when she was his very heartbeat?

_And I can't_

_Breathe_

_Without you but I have to_

_Breathe_

_Without you but I have to_

John felt a hand on his shoulder and looked up into dark green eyes and a tear-streaked face similar to his own. Wally gave him a wet smile as he looked back toward the sunset as well.

Wally came the closest to understanding his pain out of anyone in the League. His heart was breaking too, just in a slightly different way.

John was losing the love of his life.

Wally was losing his big sister.

Both of their hearts were hurting and they'd have to comfort one another during this time because the others, though they had good intentions, couldn't understand.

"Come on, GL. Let's go." Wally said, voice cracking as he held out a hand to the former marine.

He took it with thankfulness his face couldn't portray, but the message was understood.

He needed a hand to help him up and Wally would be there to offer it.

It's what best friends are there for.

_Never wanted this, never want to see you hurt_

_Every little bump in the road I try to swerve_

_But people are people and sometimes it doesn't work out_

_Nothing we say is gonna save us from the the fall_

When he'd met Mari, John thought his heart might be beginning to heal. She was a beautiful, strong woman and he had strong feelings for her.

But it wasn't love.

He knew that, but refused to admit it to himself.

When Shayera came back, the realization was like a slap to the face.

He didn't love Mari.

He loved Shayera.

He knew he was hurting her. To tell the truth, he knew he was hurting both of them.

Shayera still loved him. Heck, he'd gone to the future and found out about a son they were supposed to have whose name was Rex, or Warhawk. She knew about him too.

He knew he was causing her pain. He'd even seen Wally holding her as she sobbed. He'd held her like a brother and comforted his sister with loving words and heartfelt assurances.

He saw the looks Wally gave him whenever he was around Mari. He tried to mask it, but it was evident that Wally didn't like her. His best friend still had his fingers crossed that he would go back to his big sister.

But he wasn't sure if he could.

_And we know its never simple, never easy_

_Never a clean break_

_No one here to save me_

_You're the only thing I know like the back of my hand_

In reality, John wanted to go back to Shayera. Every time he looked at her, he longed to hold her in his arms once again.

But he couldn't take that risk.

His heart couldn't handle being ripped in two once again.

He wouldn't survive next time- that much he knew.

But could he really just let her keep suffering like that? Could he live knowing he rejected his one shot at happiness?

Was it worth it- Keeping his heart in one patched-up piece if there was no happiness left in it?

_And I can't_

_Breathe_

_Without you but I have to_

_Breathe_

_Without you but I have to_

He knew one thing, he couldn't keep doing this to Mari.

She didn't deserve that. No one did.

If he couldn't have happiness- she at least deserved a shot at it.

He ended things with Mari and she took it hard. She was angry and heartbroken, but he could see that underneath it all she understood. She'd known deep down that he still loved Shayera. He wouldn't let her be miserable in a relationship with a man who was in love with another woman.

He couldn't do that to her.

_It's two a.m._

_Feelin' like I just lost a friend_

_Hope you know this ain't easy_

_Easy for me_

John's heart tore just a little more when he saw the hopeful gleam in Shayera's eyes. Then, when he didn't come back to her, the brokeness.

When she passed him in the hallways, only he could see the faint redness of her cheeks and eyes that gave away she'd been crying. He was the only one that knew her well enough besides Wally, and he was usually the one comforting her.

He wished with everything in him that he could hold her. Protect her from the world and the trials it continually threw at her. He wished he could be her knight in shining armor and whisk her away into happily ever after.

But every time, he just turned his head and continued his march through to his destination.

_It's two a.m._

_Feelin' like I just lost a friend_

_Hope you know this ain't easy_

_Easy for me_

At first, when she'd returned it had almost been like old times. Tuesday nights in the Central City Park. Sitting up late in the Watchtower drinking iced mochas and laughing. Eating junk food while they watched movies at one of their homes.

But then it got too hard.

He felt isolated. Alone.

It was too painful to see Shayera. He could see how hard it was on her too.

Wally was stuck in the middle. Torn between his two best friends.

John was glad he stuck by Shayera though. Someone had to take care of her. And if it couldn't be him, he was glad her little brother would take up for her and keep her standing on her feet.

As much as she pretended like she was invulnerable, he knew she still needed someone to protect her.

_And I know it's never simple, never easy_

_Never a clean break_

_No one here to save me_

_You're the only thing I know like the back of my hand_

John watched helplessly as a bullet tore through Shayera's stomach. Her face grew pale and scrunched up in pain as she plummet toward the pavement.

He dove toward her and caught her just before her body made contact with the ground. He threw up a shield to deflect the onslaught of bullets from the men they had been trying to stop. Seconds later, Wally had the men disarmed and lying unconscious on the cold hard stone.

"Oh God no." John whispered as the blood began to seep out of her wound. "Shayera. Stay awake. You'll be okay." he soothed her.

Her eyes were wide with panic as Wally dashed over. His knees wobbled as he looked down at his sister and best friend.

"Oh God." Wally's voice broke above him, but it barely registered in John's mind. He reached for his ear.

"Watchtower. Three for emergency transport. Shayera's hurt." A flash of blue light engulfed them and they were suddenly on the Watchtower. He held her, tears streaming down his face as his eyes found J'onn.

"Please, do something." he whispered.

J'onn started giving orders and before long Shayera had been taken to the Medbay and he and Wally were waiting outside her room.

Wally paced, making a rut in the metal flooring, but John's mind didn't register it any more than it had registered anything else since she'd gotten hurt.

He looked down on his uniform- covered in blood.

Shayera's blood.

The thought made him sick, but he couldn't bring himself to change out of his soiled clothes. He would be sitting right here the moment the doctors walked out.

_I can't _

_Breathe_

_Without you but I have to_

_Breathe_

_Without you but I have to_

_Breathe_

_Without you but I have to_

The moment the doctor stepped out of the room, Wally had grabbed him by the lapels of his overcoat.

"Is she okay? Please tell me she's okay!" He'd pleaded with the slightly startled man. Wally had then looked down in horror at the blood on the man's uniform and some of Shayera's blood was now on his hands. He promptly sped over to the nearest trash can to empty his stomach.

John stood, legs shaking as if he'd just been in an earthquake. He couldn't live without her. Couldn't breathe without her.

If she was gone. So was he.

"Is...Is she alright?" he asked, voice betraying the very state he was in. Wally stood next to him now, hanging on his every word.

"She's going to be fine." he answered, allowing a smile to spread across his face. "We've patched her up and she should be awake in the next few hours. I'm sure she'll be happy to see you then."

_I'm sorry_

_I'm sorry_

_I'm sorry_

When Shayera woke up, both men were there to greet her. Wally spoke first as he ran a hand through her light red hair.

"How are you feeling, Shy?" he asked, softly.

"Like I got shot." She answered with a shrug. She grimaced as the movement caused her pain. "I've had worse."

"Well, you scared the crap outta me." Wally answered.

"Yeah, Hotshot's lunch already made an aquaintance with the trash can." John said, finally trusting his voice enough to say something.

Wally looked up at him, studying him for a moment. Then he looked back to Shayera.

"Speaking of which, I need to go fill 'er up. You two need some time to talk alone." He planted a brotherly kiss on her forehead. "You feel better, Shy."

"Well, just make sure your food stays in that stomach of yours this time." she joked, somewhat weakly. He smiled gently, green eyes twinkling, before disappearing in a blur.

_I'm sorry _

_I'm sorry_

_I'm sorry_

"You scared me back there." John said after a long silence.

"Yeah?" she answered, looking up at him. He looked down into those emerald orbs of hers and saw the pain he'd caused for so long. He sat down slowly in a chair beside her bed and took her hand in his, carressing it softly as he looked into her now curious eyes.

"Look, Shayera, you know I love you. And I've been denying it for a long time, because I was scared. I was afraid that you would break my heart again. And I couldn't handle it a second time.

"But you know what? I was being a coward. I saw how much it hurt you- how much pain I was putting you through, and I never reached out and stopped it."

He took a deep breath and let a tear slip down his cheek as he got on one knee.

"Tonight I almost lost you. And it re-affirmed something I've known for a long time, but never allowed myself to believe. I can't live without you."

He took another deep breathe.

"Shayera Hol, nothing would make me happier than spending the rest of my life with you. Will you marry me?"

There was complete silence.

His heart pounded in his chest.

Once.

Twice.

Three times.

"Are you kidding me?" she asked.

John swallowed. He looked at her face, expression completely serious.

She was rejecting him.

Breaking his heart again.

He wanted to die.

Right then.

Right there.

"If I could move right now, I'd beat you over the head with my mace...

"And then kiss you senseless." she smiled.

His heart soared into his throat and he nearly passed out with elation. A smile spread from one ear to another on his face.

He felt his heart heal.

Right then.

Right there.

And he was staring at the other half of it.

_**A/N: I seriously debated whether or not to give this a happy ending and after thinking about the angry mob carrying pitchforks standing at my door- I decided on this. Don't forget to R&R.**_


End file.
